Jesus Told Me He Hates Racists

A Conversation with Our Lord and Savior Over Cheeseburgers

You know Jesus, right? Not, like, know Him personally, or follow Him, or worship Him, or whatever. But, like, you know who I’m talking about, right? The Son of Man.

Anyway, I was having lunch with Jesus the other day. Nothing fancy. Just cheeseburgers at this place by my house. We were eating, and out of nowhere, He blurts out that He can’t stand racists. Just like that. “I can’t stand racists,” He said.

I had to swallow before I could respond. “Where’d that come from?”

“I don’t know,” He said. “It’s just been on My mind lately.” Then He took a long and thoughtful sip of His beer. I think it was an IPA. That’s not important. The thing is, He looked upset.

“Oh, yeah. Racists are the worst,” I said. I mean, what am I supposed to say to that? It’s so jejune. Who doesn’t hate racists? Well, I guess lots of people.

“No, I mean, like, I really hate them.” Jesus was clearly going someplace with this, so I let Him talk. “Not like a ‘love the sinner, hate the sin’ kind of thing. Way deeper than that. I really loathe them. They make My skin crawl. And they’re constantly trying to hang out with me! Not just hang out, but be racist with them! What is up with that?! Every night…