Some of it is even good.

Dennis DiClaudio lives in Rochester, NY with one wife, one son, and two dogs. He is a former editor for Comedy Central’s Indecision website and has contributed to The Onion and The AV Club. His plays have been staged in New York City, Philadelphia, Atlanta, and Oxford, MS. His books have been published by Bloomsbury USA, Penguin, and Quarto. His tweets have been featured on Twitter: @dennisdiclaudio.

Here’s some of the shit he’s written…


Smart Me Up
A podcast by and for me

A filmmaking diary from a guy making a movie called ‘Scumbag’

I found Josh Stifter the way I find most and things—by spending an unhealthy amount of time on Twitter. Once in a while, that pays dividends, and this is one of those occasions.

Stifter is a low-low-budget filmmaker (so I immediately feel a strong fraternal bond with him) who—on top of working every day on a weird horror(?) film called Scumbag—is documenting his work process via a video diary. If you are of a certain creative disposition, you may find it as fascinating as me. Or, as I do. (I’m only mildly fascinating.)

Here’s a bio that I yoinked…

In which we are granted an audience with the writer/director

Gotta admit, I’m pretty excited for this one. I’ve been following Jessica Ellis’ progress on her debut independent film, What Lies West, via Twitter since I don’t even know how long. Years now. She is—to quote her quoting Douglas Adams—a hoopy frood who really, really knows where her towel is. So, I am understandably psyched to finally get eyes on what she’s been toiling over all this time. And now I can! It’s out today!

A few months back, I got a chance to talk to Ellis about this film and the ones she’s hopefully going to make for…

An absurdist fable set in an abstract landscape of war

The world, unfortunately, does not get to have Brian Holcomb in it anymore. It screwed up and allowed him to succumb to Covid last spring. Dumb movie, world. Dumb move.

Fortunately, we do have a small fraction of strange, terrifying films that we were owed. Mostly short films, made as practice and research for the unfinished feature that he had been writing and filming and editing for more than years.

The Ditch is one of those short films. I had the good fortune to act in this one, and I’ll tell you, I had no idea what the hell…

Photo: José Ignacio Pompé

A short story about loss and cannibalism

Donald made it perfectly clear that when he died he wanted us, his friends, to eat him. “Please,” he said in the living room of his apartment. This would allow him to live on through us. His flesh nourishing our bodies. We would carry him into an old age that he himself would never live to see. Buddhist monks have been doing this sort of thing in Asia for years. That’s what Donald said, at least. Just before he took his beer and walked out onto the balcony to stare at the city lights.

Our initial reaction was mixed. It…

I assume this is a promo photo. If not, please don’t sue me.

You can watch her stand-up special “Self Help Me” right now

I’m not sure how I first came across Liz Miele. I think it was just a short clip from a live show that somebody posted to Instagram. I don’t remember which bit of hers it was, but it really doesn’t matter because all her bits are funny. So, I followed her. Then I discovered that she already had two albums available for me to listen to on my streaming service of choice. So, I listened to them. First one, and then the other. Then, I got mad because there wasn’t another one for me to listen to.

But now there…

Whether you’re a full-blooded dago or one of those medigans

If Italians are known for one thing, it’s a baffling compulsion to prop up fascist strongmen. If we’re known for another thing, it’s excellent food!

Now, what I’m gonna do right now is I’m gonna walk you through the whole process of making some authentic spaghetti gravy. Or sauce if you want. (I’m not going to get into that debate, and I have mixed feelings about the whole thing.) I mean good sauce! Nothing fancy. And not like the shit you get at The Olive Garden or god forbid out of a jar. …

A conversation with Our Lord and Savior over cheeseburgers

You know Jesus, right? Not, like, know Him personally, or follow Him, or worship Him, or whatever. But, like, you know who I’m talking about, right? The Son of Man.

Anyway, I was having lunch with Jesus the other day. Nothing fancy. Just cheeseburgers at this place by my house. We were eating, and out of nowhere, he blurts out that he can’t stand racists. Just like that. “I can’t stand racists,” he said.

I had to swallow before I could respond. “Where’d that come from?”

“I don’t know,” He said. “It’s just been on my mind lately.” Then He…

She’s also the subject of a well-deserved new documentary

Do you know who Rita Moreno is? Probably you do. And even if you don’t, you probably do. She’s been in everything since forever. I mean, just look at her IMDb. But the thing that you probably most likely know her from is the 1961 musical West Side Story. She plays Maria’s would-be sister-in-law Anita, and she’s the centerpiece of what’s probably the movie’s most iconic scene.

She actually won an Academy Award for that performance, making her the first Latinx to win Oscar. Impressive, right? Can you even imagine what she went on to do after that? Probably not…

Dennis DiClaudio

Oddly shaped collection of eukaryotic cells. Author of a small guide book series on diseases, disorders, and deviances. Curates and edits (parenthetical note).

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